Saturday, September 10, 2011
Who Will I Send?
Then I heard the Lord asking, “Whom should I send as a messenger to this people? Who will go for us?” (Isaiah 6:8a) Did you catch Isaiah's eager reply? “Here I am. Send me” (Isa. 6:8b). No deliberation or weighing the pros and cons or considering the cost. "Here I am. Send me." He didn't even know what God was going to tell the people! In fact, as you read verses 9 and 10, you get the very real sense that this was not going to be a very uplifting or gratifying experience for Isaiah. That may be why he asks, “Lord, how long will this go on?” (v. 11).
When I felt that God was calling me into the ministry, I ran the other way (NOT in a wild prodigal son kind of way - just far enough to get away from that persistent Voice). I thought it might just be some pentecostal emotionalism (not how I phrased it way back when). I made excuses for how unqualified I was - "No member of my family had ever been in the ministry!" (Actually, most of my extended family wasn't even saved.) But God persisted in His call.
When God put His finger on my heart one Sunday night in church, I knew the running was over, there wasn't a doubt about Who was calling, and all of my "reasonable" excuses had failed. That night, I surrendered and said, "Yes, to the call that You have on my life."
I wish I could say that everyone affirmed the call and was excited for me, but that's just not true. My girlfriend at the time, a nice Baptist girl (who shall remain nameless), broke up with me and dropped me like a whacked-out radioactive hot potato. By the way, that was the first (and last) time that she ever went to church with me. She actually rode home with my mom instead of me that night!
I also wish that I could say I was totally jazzed about pursuing a "lucrative" future in ministry (NOT what I had in mind as a 17 year old millionaire to be and my mom and dad were very worried that I would be a poor, penniless preacher). In fact, over the next couple of months, I still tried to reason away this notion of serving God in the ministry. I tried to figure a way out, but now, over 28 years later, I can tell you that I'm glad that I replied with that reluctant "yes."
I can't imagine what my life would have been like outside of the ministry. (I know that we're not able to see the "might have beens" or "what ifs" in our lives. Maybe in heaven...) Like Isaiah, and so many of the other prophets, God has taken me to some amazing places and I've met some wonderful (and not so wonderful) people (you know who you are! heh). I am certainly not rich in any material way, but God has NEVER failed to provide our every need.
I am privileged to continue to serve Him in this preaching and teaching ministry. I've made mistakes and I've failed at times in the mission. (Too numerable to recount and that's REALLY not a road that I want to take, but my regrets seem to travel with me - even more so, as I realize how careless and arrogant I was as a young minister. "Grace, Lord, please! For myself, but also for those who were part of my life at those times.") I've probably been more like Jonah than Isaiah, but God has always been faithful.
In looking back over these thoughts, I've used the "I" word a lot in this blog, but since it's a personal narrative, I (Ugh, there it is again!) believe that I'm (yikes!) allowed to. The bottom line? Isaiah's book may have his name on it, but it is really God's story. Like Isaiah, these reflections and my story, are really not about me, but about God using a less-than-perfect vessel to get His word out. My life and ministry is about His wonderful and amazing grace, His power and His steadfast love and faithfulness.
It has been a privilege to have been a part of what God is doing in people's lives. I'm humbled that God would call someone like me to do something for Him. At almost 50 years of age, I find myself needing to respond to Him again, "Here I am. Send me."
When God put His finger on my heart one Sunday night in church, I knew the running was over, there wasn't a doubt about Who was calling, and all of my "reasonable" excuses had failed. That night, I surrendered and said, "Yes, to the call that You have on my life."
I wish I could say that everyone affirmed the call and was excited for me, but that's just not true. My girlfriend at the time, a nice Baptist girl (who shall remain nameless), broke up with me and dropped me like a whacked-out radioactive hot potato. By the way, that was the first (and last) time that she ever went to church with me. She actually rode home with my mom instead of me that night!
I also wish that I could say I was totally jazzed about pursuing a "lucrative" future in ministry (NOT what I had in mind as a 17 year old millionaire to be and my mom and dad were very worried that I would be a poor, penniless preacher). In fact, over the next couple of months, I still tried to reason away this notion of serving God in the ministry. I tried to figure a way out, but now, over 28 years later, I can tell you that I'm glad that I replied with that reluctant "yes."
I can't imagine what my life would have been like outside of the ministry. (I know that we're not able to see the "might have beens" or "what ifs" in our lives. Maybe in heaven...) Like Isaiah, and so many of the other prophets, God has taken me to some amazing places and I've met some wonderful (and not so wonderful) people (you know who you are! heh). I am certainly not rich in any material way, but God has NEVER failed to provide our every need.
I am privileged to continue to serve Him in this preaching and teaching ministry. I've made mistakes and I've failed at times in the mission. (Too numerable to recount and that's REALLY not a road that I want to take, but my regrets seem to travel with me - even more so, as I realize how careless and arrogant I was as a young minister. "Grace, Lord, please! For myself, but also for those who were part of my life at those times.") I've probably been more like Jonah than Isaiah, but God has always been faithful.
In looking back over these thoughts, I've used the "I" word a lot in this blog, but since it's a personal narrative, I (Ugh, there it is again!) believe that I'm (yikes!) allowed to. The bottom line? Isaiah's book may have his name on it, but it is really God's story. Like Isaiah, these reflections and my story, are really not about me, but about God using a less-than-perfect vessel to get His word out. My life and ministry is about His wonderful and amazing grace, His power and His steadfast love and faithfulness.
It has been a privilege to have been a part of what God is doing in people's lives. I'm humbled that God would call someone like me to do something for Him. At almost 50 years of age, I find myself needing to respond to Him again, "Here I am. Send me."
Labels: calling, Isaiah 6:8, ministry
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